Discussions about ego tend to create a large amount of uncontrolled arrogance and self indulgence. Most people forget to look at the optimistic perspective to view ego. A well managed “big ego”, or a healthy sense of self can also be beneficial to creating resilience, drive, and ambition in your everyday life. Humility is certainly a virtue that should be practiced by everyone, but a constant fear of appearing too confident can cause individuals to create dreams that are not big enough or do not show all of their talents. When used properly, a larger ego is not necessarily about bragging and talking about “being better” than everyone; it is about developing the confidence to survive failures, protect one’s mental health, and accomplish amazing success in life.

Among the key benefits of a healthy ego is that it can cushion us from the injury of criticism or failure. In a 2018 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study (which examined data from over 1,000 subjects), researchers discovered that individuals with higher levels of ego recovered emotionally 30% quicker from criticism than did low self esteem individuals. This shows that self confidence can negate the emotional impact of failure. Rather than drowning in self doubt caused by either failure, harsh criticism, or a less than satisfactory test score, an individual with a solid, realistic sense of self esteem is more likely to say, “I am aware of my strengths. Let us determine what is to be done so that I may recover nicely.” This method does not throw self reflection in the trash, but it makes reflection more helpful by making it solution oriented and not merely self critical, as being too harsh on yourself might make you give up on your aspirations. An overabundance of ego may motivate people to go beyond the mean and do better things. Judge and Bono (2001) who are leading organizational psychologists,  in a meta analysis that involved more than 12,000 participants. They found that raising core evaluation by one standard deviation correlated to a 15% boost in job satisfaction as well as a 22% higher job performance rating.  This would imply that self assurance means always seeking to get better at one’s strengths and reach higher levels of it to perform even better, in contrast to letting one fall into the mediocrity trap. The ego serves as an internal coach, a role model, pushing the individual with the affirmation, “You can do better than this, you owe it to yourself.” In the future, pushing individuals for more results in improved results for no matter what you want to achieve, most of the time, you will always do better. 

Creating the perfect balance between confidence and humility is essential to master the art of self-improvement. After all, self improvement is an exercise all about balance. We need enough confidence to try something new and get rid of the inevitable mistakes, but not to the point where we become blind to our weaknesses. In the 2020 Psychological Science study, researchers discovered that people who tested high on secure sense of self (with standardized questionnaires on self esteem and self concept clarity) were 28% more likely to ask for constructive criticism and pursue additional training or coursework than those with unstable self esteem. This desire to grow shows the distinction between narcissistic ego and healthy ego. Narcissistic ego can make people defensive and resistant to criticism, and on the other hand healthy egoism forces people to acknowledge, “Yes, I have the ability, but I need to learn more.”  By accepting what some may call a “big ego,” you are fueling your passion to invest in your potential. Rather than relying on a flimsy sense of superiority, you have confidence as a foundation for continued growth.

Critics argue that having a bigger ego can cause the risk that people become narcissists. Everyone has seen headlines about politicians and leaders who believe that they are the best in the world, often having a harsh impact on organizations. For example, toxic leadership studies, like in 2022 when a review in Frontiers in Psychology saw that around 2,000 employees across a wide variety of industries have concluded that high levels of narcissistic traits caused a 40% increase in team management, conflict in relationships, and a 35% increase in dissatisfaction resented by the employees. This shows the damaging repercussions of unbalanced narcissism, due to the fact that it prominently fuels conflict, reduces satisfaction, and shifts teamwork away. Essentially what is trying to be said here is that an inflated ego can strangle teamwork and steal the light from others’ success. This is the trap most typically referred to when people warn us about a “big head.” The fear is that unregulated self assurance comes from self confidence into “being better than everyone” where all successes are solely due to one’s brilliance, and all failures are the fault of others.

Despite valid concerns about potential pitfalls with ego, a strong sense of self does not automatically lead to harmful outcomes. It does not necessarily mean that a larger ego is worse. A confident yet humble sense of self knows their own strengths without limiting others knowledge, ideas, or wisdom. Successful leaders always score high on confidence and emotional intelligence, so it is no surprise that they are so successful.The stigma overlooks the useful part confidence can play in pushing us along. Rather than steering clear of ego altogether, then, we have to learn how to steer around it. Build up the self confidence that your work can be carried to a conclusion, but remain receptive to feedback from mentors and peers. Having a balanced ego helps people stay strong in tough times, stop them from being ok with “mediocrity”, and push them to keep improving. Criticisms about self confidence and narcissistic confusion are not wrong to warn us against ego, but to rule ego out of life’s equation and thought process is a complete mistake.